The degree of exhaustion one endures in the early years of motherhood is beyond compare. Like impossible to describe tired. Like I haven’t slept a full night in years kind of tired. And this level of sleep deprivation can make you feel like the walking dead – and make you do some pretty weird things. Today we bring you 60 signs you’ve become a zombiemom.
1. You got in the shower with your bra still on.
2. You put your baby in the bath with her diaper still on.
3. You start to panic because your baby’s feet are turning purple in the tub, and then you realize you forgot to take her socks off.
4. You don’t remember when you or your baby bathed last.
5. You didn’t notice, but you’re wearing your shirt inside-out. And it’s on backwards.
6. You’re wearing two different shoes.
7. You forgot to put on shoes.
8. You took the time to put on make-up, but only on half of your face.
9. You’re wearing your underwear outside of your pants.
10. You thought you were changing your toddler’s diaper in the middle of the night, but it was the baby and you only realized it in the morning when you noticed the baby had a huge diaper on.
11. You put a newborn diaper on your two-year-old and only notice once she’s trying to squirm out of it because it’s too tight.
12. You put a fresh diaper right over the top of the wet one.
13. You grabbed your baby out of the crib to comfort her – and quickly realized you were holding her upside down.
14. You go to comfort your baby in the night and think you’re headed down the hall, but you walk straight into a wall.
15. You woke up trying to rock your husband back to sleep.
16. You woke up trying to give your husband a pacifier.
17. You woke up trying to burp your husband.
18. You woke up trying to nurse your husband.
19. You woke up thirsty in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen for some water, but fixed yourself bottle instead.
20. You woke up in the night with a craving for ice cream, grabbed the carton from the freezer, had to make a pit stop at the bathroom on the way back to bed, and forgot the ice cream on the counter.
21. You woke up in the night with a craving for microwav popcorn and fell asleep at the kitchen table waiting for it to pop.
22. You aren’t quite sure if it’s night or day.
23. You gave your husband your iPhone when he asked for the remote.
24. You’re always putting things in the wrong places. Like losing the TV remote and finding it in the fridge.
25. You backed your car into your husband’s car…in your driveway.
26. You tried to get money out of the ATM using your driver’s license.
27. You spent an hour grocery shopping and have it all bagged up and rung up only to realize you only grabbed your diaper bag and not your purse.
28. You answered the phone as you were walking around and talking about looking for the phone and the person on the phone pointed out that you were on the phone.
29. You call your husband from your cell phone to ask if he knows where your cell phone is.
30. You set off your security system because you can’t remember the code.
31. You apologize to the first responders and call them “honey.”
32. You call your pediatrician “honey.”
33. You call everyone “honey” and inappropriately kiss them sometimes, too.
34. You drank soy sauce instead of cola.
35. You cut up your husband’s food into teeny-tiny pieces.
36. You put hand soap on your toothbrush.
37. You put diaper cream on your toothbrush.
38. You put the milk in the cabinet and the cereal in the fridge.
39. You sometimes hold pillows and pat them gently as if you’re soothing your baby.
40. You went to work or school with a diaper bag instead of a briefcase or backpack.
41. You botched a recipe because you used salt instead of sugar.
42. You botched a recipe and destroyed a pan and nearly burned the house down because you thought you’d “rest your eyes for a minute” while the soup simmered.
43. You fell asleep at the library.
44. You fell asleep at the dentist.
45. You fell asleep during your ObGyn appointment.
46. You fell asleep on the toilet.
47. You fell asleep at the park.
48. You forgot your name or phone number or address or birthday or what 2+2 equals.
49. You can’t remember how to spell anything.
50. You can’t remember other people’s names.
51. You can’t remember anything.
52. You forget where you put the baby.
53. You forget that you dropped your son off at your sister’s house, go into a panic when you wake up from your nap, and call 911.
54. You apologize to the first responders and call them “honey” and inappropriately kiss them good-bye.
55. You think you’ve gone off the deep end, but forget that realization two minutes later.
56. You’ve gone off the deep end, but it feels like the new normal.
57. You see a cow standing in a pasture and think to yourself: “that’s a funny looking zebra”.
58. You think out loud – all. the. time.
59. You’re not sure if you’re awake or dreaming.
60. You’re lying in the fetal position, rocking, and laughing uncontrollably.
Alright, seriously – almost NO moms get THAT exhausted, but it certainly feels that way in your mind sometimes! Things can get pretty intense! How about you? What signs did you experience that made you feel like a zombiemom? Share them in the comments – we’d love to hear!